Live from Chip: Concon!

another blog in my life

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:48:46 GMT

http://bunnyfish.wordpress.com/

I often forget how many friends of mine actually use LJ. It is perhaps a shame that I am not LJing from the Netherlands, but oh well. Have a read once in a while if you so like.

Soul Consumption

Fri, 18 May 2007 12:24:57 GMT

So I've been horrible about school work this term. It's not just the whole "I don't know what I'm doing with myself" thing, but it's really all the commitments I kind of just walk into. I'm becoming more aware of how I do this, and it's kind of funny - I wish I had some Pavlovian device to train me to do something else.

Regardless, this past week I was consumed by the crew video I made for the novice openweights, not just in editing, but because software really hates me when I try to do something cool like burn a DVD. So I eventually gave in and posted it online, but I really need to be putting a more decent DVD for our coach.
http://web.mit.edu/yehc/Public/crew/video.html

As usual, constructive criticism is welcome with anything I make. Unfortunately I had to take down my other videos from my public space to do this, so I just realized that I broke a dozen+ links on my site. Great.

-C

note to self

Mon, 07 May 2007 02:54:41 GMT

When compressing video or preparing it for DVD burning, the % complete status doesn't necessarily correlate linearly with time.

Trying to do 2.006 while trying to resist facebook and sudoku. I gave into LJ.

Wishing I weren't so lonely in the New Media Center - although the Logs appear to be creating their final video in the opposite corner.

Steer Roast 2007 was relatively quiet. I think I can confirm my skill of "avoiding the party." Crew is my anti-drug, whee!

Still unsure of where I want to live next year. Staying in SH would be nice in that I wouldn't have to be somewhere and all "whee, I'm a senior but a n00b on your hall and in your dorm." I kind of need a matchmaker in terms of specific rooming. Unfortunately, I'm greedy for space because I have a lot of stuff (art stuff, mech. e. stuff), and I like entertaining people in my room. My current room is okay, except that I don't have much of a view, and a bunch of people go by it all the time.

Sweet, 98%! More rooming angst later.

-C

mold me?

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 14:17:30 GMT

lovin' is what I got

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 03:00:49 GMT

It's the beginning of the week, thus my sunny disposition.

mini-summaries:
-I got a tan from staying in Cambridge and rowing 5 hours a day. Of course it was still cold, so really it's just the back of my hands and my face that have color.

-We went to PA and beat Georgetown! We walked the boat on command for the first time and it was awesome. We also went on a run to the Philadelphia Museum of Art and ran up the steps like in Rocky. Fuck yeah.

-I think coaches are going to let me work on the crew video. Hells yes.

-Heavyweight men beat Army!

-Went on a bike adventure with Brett to Lizzy's Homemade Ice Cream in Waltham, MA. 20.5 miles. Oops. The ice cream was super good though.

-Seat racing happens tomorrow night. Eeeeeeeeeek! I was switched to port for our race in PA, it seems like I've been settled into bow seat. We'll see how things go, I guess. Can I be officially bisweptual yet?

-xkcd lecture will happen at the end of this month!

-I'm behind on my step for the Cambridge Science Festival, but I think that will be fixed this week.

Yay. Let's see how long the good mood lasts.

-C

Wait, my LJ still exists?

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 13:30:18 GMT

Yesterday was my first time out on the water at MIT this year. True to Boston weather, we were stepping on melting snow and ice on the docks to get the boats out. We had two rowers to the water, and my pair got stuck with longer oars, because for whatever reason, there were only seven of our normal set.

The wind bullied our boat. Our recovery was a pushing war to get the blades back. Rowing by fours to keep the boat set was probably slower than just running along the river. We didn't do any drills, we just went up the river and back. The water was choppy and our boat drifted dangerously close to significantly larger, significantly more solid objects. We barely escaped crashing into another boat during landing. My hands were frozen by the time we came back in.

*grin* I can't wait to go out again.

oh hey

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:49:36 GMT

it's pi day!

roar!

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 07:01:23 GMT

que aburrido

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 20:39:21 GMT

So I thought there was going to be a 312 crunk dance party...

But it looks like it's falling apart.

I unfortunately don't have much of a dependable social life. That is my fault.

Maybe I should just hang around my hall for once - although I caught wind of an MTG deal, in which case everyone is going to be out.

Boo.

-C

little pieces of me are dying

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 23:58:58 GMT

I was forced to give up my hair. My hair color now matches my mother's.

I have a new phone. It is a RAZR.

...

I kind of want to kill myself.

That is all for now.

-C

24 hours is too short for a day

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 04:03:05 GMT

Proof here:
http://edcommunity.apple.com/contest/

Look for my movie (called "Clara") and vote! And vote for other MIT teams! Out of 500 teams across the country, I think we had like 6?

-C

post midterm evaluation

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 13:31:24 GMT

So all things considered, I think I need to list cool things I've done or things that have happened this year to remind myself of where my time has gone, and why I'm like never in my room.

incomplete list starting from january:
-LSC refreshments director (pre-existing)
-Maeda UROP (pre-existing)
-Lewis Music Library sub (pre-existing)
-stirling engine "best craftsmanship"
-underwater robot in 3 days
-knitting seminars
-rube goldberg contest mentor
-campus movie fest "best MIT comedy"
-sport death-mobile
-video work (first time)
-videoed cape cod SIMPLICITY retreat
-met Michel Gondry
-NYC Whitney Biennial
-graffiti w/ Tats Cru
-dinner w/ Katia Lund
-Wicked
-LSC summer chairman
-WTP-ME residential tutor
-WTP-ME DVDs (first iDVD experience... ew?)
-met my niece, Kara
-LSC bifcomm
-Shauni dyed my hair
-FAP VA counselor
-orientation leader
-FASAP associate advisor
-scuba certification
-QWiLLTS lunches
-P-town retreat
-QWiLLTS apple picking
-threaded projectors (n00b)
-glass lab
-bobrauschenbergamerica
-attended surrealist film festival
-Marjane Satrapi talk
-sweet potato fries (first deep-fry!)
-Fierce Forever 6 set
-ate at Sunny's Diner (first time!)
-made negatives for LSC posters (n00b)
-made colored candles
-musical robot workshop (ha ha ha)
-crew

things to improve/work on:
-pritchett art gallery
-art activity
-100GB of UROP footage
-music

things upcoming
-enter insomniac film festival
-LSC scifi marathon
-LSC termcomm

Too many directions, not enough accomplished. Fmeh. I need a better memory.

-C

blink

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 14:08:14 GMT

I am alive.

But tonight, I will be spending the night in N52.

eve of all hallow

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:03:04 GMT

Would it be cheating to be the number 5 for Halloween?

crap.

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 07:33:00 GMT

I think someone may have stolen my GBA and my iPod. I'm unfortunately cleaning my room and thus can't really tell if I have temporarily misplaced such items.

But the only suspicious thing that occurred today was walking into my room and noticing that someone had logged out of webmail in Firefox on my laptop.

... Crap?

excerpts from a play at the ART

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 18:37:10 GMT

12 Table Talk: The Dispute

WILSON
How could you just suddenly: disappear?

SUSAN
I didn't.

WILSON
I thought you did.
And I thought you loved me.

SUSAN
Well, I do love you.

[The other characters exit.]

WILSON
Oh, yes, you love me,
but you don't love me in that way.

SUSAN
I never pretended to love you in that way.

WILSON
I can't go on in life
without being loved in that way.

SUSAN
A lot of people are never loved in that way.

WILSON
How can you tell
if you are really alive
if you're never loved in that way?

SUSAN
What do you mean: in that way?

WILSON
Unless I thought you were crazy for me
so crazy for me you couldn't stand it
you just had to kiss me
you just had to knock me down and kiss me
because you couldn't stand it
that you laughed at my jokes
or thought I was so cool
or like said really intelligent things that made you think
maybe not all of those things
but even just any one of them
just one of them

[Silence.]

You see what I mean, not even one.

SUSAN
I'm sorry.

WILSON
Why did you live with me, then?

SUSAN
I thought I loved you
but I guess I didn't know what love was.
I liked you in a way
not much
but in some ways
or at least in the ways I thought guys could be likeable
and the rest of it I thought maybe that's just
how guys are
and as time went on maybe it wouldn't matter so much
but then I find it does matter
I can't help myself
some stuff you do
I just can't get over it
and the stuff I liked:
that I thought you were a responsible person
and mature
solid and dependable
all those turned out not to be true at all
so what am I left with?

WILSON
It's not your fault.

SUSAN
No, it's not.

WILSON
Or maybe it is
that you weren't thinking very clearly
or being very focussed when you made your choice
and a lot of people were depending on that choice being really clear
or at least I was

SUSAN
I know.
I'm sorry.

WILSON
Being sorry doesn't cut it somehow.
I know people always say they're sorry
and probably they are
and I don't think it means nothing
I'm sure it means something
and it's essential for people to feel it
and to say it
in order for life to go on at all
and yet
the truth is
it doesn't cut it.
I'm sorry: but it doesn't.

SUSAN
I'm sorry.

WILSON
Is that somehow now
supposed to cut it?

---------------------------------------------------

18 Crazy for You

WILSON [confronting Susan]
So
it turns out
you come to me
to be with me
and then
as soon as you feel reassured that I love you
you go back to your husband
and then if you talk to me on the phone
and I seem to be slipping away from you
if I seem anxious or uncertain
then you come back to me and make love with me
and stay with me
until you know you have me again
I can't help myself loving you
and then you go back to your husband again
so it turns out
the only way I can keep you is by making you feel anxious
keeping you on edge
making you feel I'm about to drop you
so the way to have you
is to reject you
and if I don't reject you
then I don't have you
we are in a relationship that is sick
where you show love by showing aversion
you show aversion by showing love
so that you live a backwards life
and the one person you want to love and cherish
and show how much you care
is the one person you will drive away by doing any of those things
how can we go on like this?
this is insane
this will make us both insane
this is how people go insane!

[He storms out.]

19 Dessert

Bob's Mom brings out a cake and
sets it down on the picnic table.
As this next scene goes along,
Susan starts to eat compulsively,
taking pieces of cake or cupcakes from the table--
at first absentmindedly, at a normal cake-eating pace,
and then more and more compulsively,
until she is stuffing it into her mouth.

BECKER
I think I know how he feels myself.
I thought you cared for me, too.

SUSAN
I did care for you.
There was something about you
I don't even know what it was that just hit me
I couldn't help myself
but then it turns out
it was like a summer storm
it passed as quickly as it came
and then it was over.

BECKER
Maybe it wasn't over for me.

SUSAN
I'm sorry.

BECKER
I don't think you can just drop someone like that
and just say I'm sorry.

SUSAN
I didn't just say I'm sorry
I am sorry.

BECKER
This is why some people call women fickle.

SUSAN
I don't think it has anything to do with being fickle.
How it is for women:
Women feel what they feel when they feel it
and then when they don't feel it any more they don't feel it.
Unlike a man
who won't know what he feels when he feels it
and then later on
he'll realize how he felt
and so he'll talk himself into feeling it again
when he doesn't feel it
because he thinks he should be consistent about the positions he takes
and stick to them
so a man always thinks he feels things he doesn't feel
and so he never really knows how he feels at all.

BECKER
That could be true.

SUSAN
Of course it's true.
Pretty soon
you're going to thank god you had such a narrow escape
you're going to feel lucky I dumped you

BECKER
I'm never going to feel that.

SUSAN
Maybe not.

BECKER
I think you must be a sort of a tease
or worse
some kind of seducer and dumper kind of person
who is just a loose cannon
cutting a swath through men
leaving them wrecked all around you
what is that all about?

[She speaks, with a mouth full of cake,
eating as she speaks,
with greater and greater animation as she goes on,
till she is yelling through a mouth full of cake.]

SUSAN
Maybe that would be about something
if it were in any way true
but it is not in any way true
I'm a person who is looking for true love
like anyone else
except the difference is
I am trying not to be afraid of my feelings
and censor things
and lie and lie and lie all the time
pretending I feel like this or that
going with some guy because I couldn't be sure any more
how I felt about him
because he had some things I liked and other things I didn't
and trying to talk myself into not caring about the things I cared about
and caring about the things I didn't care about
because I've done that a lot in the past
so I am trying to let my feelings lead me through life
And
feelings are feelings
they come and go.
So probably I'm just as disoriented as you are
and left in the lurch
suddenly dropped
or thrown down the stairs
it's not as though this is not a struggle for me too
but the one thing you can be sure of is
if ever I am sure of how I feel
in a way that is the kind of feeling that I know will last
then when that time comes
if it so happens that I do tell you I love you
then you can be sure of it.

[Becker and Susan exit.]

---------------------------------------------------

38 Eternal Love
Wilson opens a window and sees Susan.

SUSAN
You know
I've been thinking about it
and it turns out
I do love you

WILSON
You do?

SUSAN
Yes.

WILSON
How could that be?

SUSAN
I look at you
and I think you're sweet.

WILSON
Oh, sweet.

SUSAN
and good-natured.

WILSON
Good-natured.

SUSAN
Yes.

WILSON
You do?

SUSAN
Yes, I really do.
And I think
if you think a person's agreeable and warmhearted
then I think there's something there you can't explain
that gives you real
delight.

WILSON
Oh.

SUSAN
I find
you give delight to me.

WILSON
Oh. Well.
That's what I'd hope for more than anything.

SUSAN
So would I.

WILSON
And you're not sorry about it?

SUSAN
How do you mean?

WILSON
That you find delight in someone
who doesn't seem to you in any other way
desirable
who doesn't perhaps have those qualities
that you can count on
for, you know, the solid, long-term kind of thing.

SUSAN
I would just take delight long-term.

WILSON
Oh.

[He runs downstairs and joins her outside.]

So would I.

---------------------------------------------------

Lots of things missing in between.

Full script here: http://charlesmee.com/html/bob.html

LSC log 2006/09/29

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 03:58:15 GMT

5:00 - Star Market run for corn oil
5:40 - Set up & discover that we didn't really need oil
6:40 - Opened for Dave Chappelle's Block Party (26-100)
6:45 - gloryn comes by saying she feels like an asshole waiting around in 10-250 with no one around
7:00 - Paid slides & trailers!
7:10 - bow saves the day and grabs some candy from the Refreshments room to sell in 10-250
7:15 - Leave 26-100 to cover for ditched shift in 10-250
7:20 - Opened for Fallen Angels (10-250)
7:30 - Paid slides & trailers!
7:40 - Stayed and watched the movie with holmesmd
9:15 - Movie ends. Take Classics cash box and return to 26-100.
9:20 - Check email to see if anyone responded about covering. Instead got a pleasant surprise that jovenkat agrees to be a subdir!
9:30 - Set up for second show of DCBP. ashdavis says she could subdir if we need her to!
9:45 - Opened doors. Night worker ditched both shifts.
10:00 - Paid slides & trailers!
10:15 - Leave 26-100 for 10-250 with the Friday cash box and Food Stamp box.
10:30 - Paid slides & trailers!
10:45 - Student center to count the moneys
11:30 - Print out some shitty Restock Forms
11:45 - Record journey in LJ

Oh wait, I can look into the future...
12:00 - 26-100 Cleanup
12:45 - Pass out in room.
12:50 - Dream about paid slides & trailers

-C

-_-

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 06:56:53 GMT

I should have known.

desks... desks... let's get some desks..

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 02:16:08 GMT

I'm changing the layout of my room. Again.

Last month I kicked out my desk, only to say, "Sorry baby, I didn't mean it. Baby, please come back." Little did I remember how easy it is to fall asleep on the floor.

So here it is. Back in here. I'm too cheap to buy some work desk that may be more compact or functional, but really just temporary as my dorm life will be. It's hard to invest yourself in something that you ultimately think you'd get rid of sooner rather than later.

class my ass

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 03:37:39 GMT

So I wasn't really taking that many classes this term. Now I'm trying to add 2.008 so that I won't die next semester.

To spare the gory details, I'm (theoretically) taking 2.004, 2.005, 2.008, 4.366, and 21M.301. Oh, and I'm associate advising FASAP.

Monday: 7 hrs
Tuesday: 6 hrs
Wednesday: 6 hrs
Thursday: 6 hrs
Friday: 4 hrs

Total: 29 hrs. Actually, 29 hrs, 15 minutes including piano lab.

Is this why people feel their souls are being eaten away?

-C

Naaaaah nah nah nahnahnah naaaaaah

Mon, 04 Sep 2006 03:22:07 GMT

Like Sisyphus, who rolls the boulder uphill for all eternity, I clean and rearrange my room. I'm sure that once I'm close to finishing, the mess will detonate again. It is clear that I seem to think that my room is a suitable metaphor for the state of my life. But even if I ever do get it straightened out, there is always the one junk drawer.

I'll deal with that later.

holy cow the frosh are here!

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 01:22:01 GMT

Lots of things for today...

I borrowed Ravi's hat that had a snake on it. Upon its return, I somehow cut my finger on its agape mouth. Hooray for a bandaid run at LaVerde's!

Square dancing is fun. People weren't too sweaty, FAP boys were nice enough to be my partners when I was lacking, and there was one partner who turned me around and gave me a high five every time we promenaded home.

Mythbusters is finally getting negotiated. *sigh* I could probably be running these Execomm meetings a little better, but at least I'm almost finished booking.

Me divierto mucho con el sistema del altavoz en la oficina de LSC.

-C

"Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?"

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 15:22:37 GMT

After overstaying my third time at Random, I left at 4 AM or so only to discover that it was in fact raining. I suppose that finally somewhat fixing my bike came to some use in that I got to get home more quickly. And then after getting pretty wet regardless, I get to discover that the elevator was not working.

You would think that I would be wanting to go to sleep, since I went to bed after 5 AM last night. I could change things now, right before I have to have a shitload of energy for the freshmen.

Unfortunately for me, I am more inclined to do mundane things at night than I am during the day. I recall hearing that when one gets extremely tired, that one seems drunk.

So am I an alcoholic? I can't seem to get to sleep lately without doing something ridiculously mundane. Lately I have done things like move all my furniture around in my PJs or cleaning up after my birthday party after everyone has gone to sleep. And now I am contemplating being brutal and just getting rid of everything that I either have no or weak feelings for. I suppose this sort of cleansing doesn't have to just be material possessions, but it's a start.

In the meantime, I hunger.
In the meantime, I suppress the urge to urinate.
In the meantime, I

In the meantime, I can fall asleep in the middle of a post.

Note to self: biking through huge puddles and getting wet while it's raining is actually super fun if you also are wearing sandals.

sleep log - correction

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 09:48:46 GMT

Make that Monday - 6 AM.

Fuck!

sleep log

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 08:38:16 GMT

Bed times since I have come back from CA:
Saturday - 5am
Sunday - 4am
Monday - 5am

Fuck.

On the rearranging the room front, I think I'm on the right track. Finally.

-C